Motherhood Mondays: The Wait

The Wait: Women think a lot about the day that they meet their husbands, get married, and start a family. We imagine what we will look like pregnant, visualize the cute conversations we will have about the baby, and think about bringing that baby home from the hospital. These cute little pictures are what cause the baby fever.

Pregnancy; by far the most challenging months of my entire life. I didn’t think about this part. I didn’t once think about the massive pain I would be in and the months of waiting for not just a baby, but to feel normal! 32 weeks and 3 days baked…this is the final countdown. Everyday I watch the minutes on the clock waiting to go back to bed so another day will have passed, and then another week, making the end that much closer. I am excited to meet the little person that we created, but I am beside myself thinking about that little person no longer shoving its legs up against my ribs, and punching my bladder making me feel like I am about to wet my pants every 5 minutes.

I did the last big load of baby laundry yesterday and as I folded the little bodysuits and paired together the little socks, I thought about packing up my diaper bag. Then, I thought about packing my hospital bag, then Bryant’s hospital survival bag, then slapped myself because we still have at least 4 1/2 weeks before Kinsey is allowed to think about exiting my uterus.

We are waiting. Bryant said to one of his closest friends the other day on the phone “we are just getting ready for this baby. Seems like every decision we make is related to this baby.” I think Bryant is done with the pregnant part too. We are prepared, as prepared as we possibly could be, and now we are ready for me to not feel like total garbage. Last night, Kinsey was doing what felt like summersaults, and Bryant and I watched my stomach do freaky alien like things and it was in that moment that I knew Kinsey was over it too. I’m speaking for her, but I believe she wants to know what the crap is happening out here.

We are just waiting and mastering the art of completely faking patience.

Motherhood Mondays: The Gain

I had planned on doing a “Motherhood” post every week; but, alas, pregnancy and it’s sheer bitchiness decided to take over my life for a few weeks and once again ruin any and all ‘plans.’

Real quickly, for the curious minds, I am 31 weeks and 3 days. Kinsey is sprouting and apparently the size of 4 naval oranges. I had my ticker checked multiple times in the last couple weeks and am still calling my repeated fainting episodes a mystery.

This Week : The Gain.

Weight gain is always associated with fatness. We have ourselves trained to give a shriek every time we step on the scale. With pregnancy, you are supposed to somehow just go with it. My OB told me to eat normally. He did not say “you are now eating for two.” This is a serious pregnancy myth causing excessive weight gain, gestational diabetes, and malnutrition. I am no expert, but I’ve found that I am more repulsed by brownies now that I am pregnant because my brain immediately pictures me trying to feed a newborn a brownie while respectable Moms are screaming “CHILD ABUSE!! STOP!” See what I’m saying?! So no, I don’t really “crave” sweets because I am a little freaked about feeding my baby starbursts. Yes, I enjoy the occasional milk shake or chocolate bar, but I believe my over analyzing of what I am putting into my body is what has allowed for me to stay on track in the weight gain department. I have put on 12 pounds in 31 weeks. I have no real comparison on if this is good or bad, but my OB always praises me so I’m feeling good about it.

The Gain. It’s complex. It’s stressful. And honestly, every single day, I think about how awesome it will be when I can go back to focusing on losing & maintaining because that is easier than gaining. I want to run 4 miles a day again and not feel like an under baked infant is going to drop out of my uterus and onto the sidewalk. Pregnancy ain’t easy folks, it ain’t easy.

So, I leave you with this: maybe if our country wasn’t so thin obsessed, pregnant women wouldn’t take the positive on the pee stick as a free 9 month ticket to eat like total shit. I think they want a break from trying so hard so they don’t try at all, for 9 months straight. Then, they blame pregnancy for the rest of their lives as the reason why they can’t get back on track. I don’t know. Ask me about this again in a few months.

See Ya Later 2011

This Year:

We moved across the fricken’ country.

Bryant started a new job.

I quit my job.

We procreated.

 

Last year, I had no goals, instead, I just wanted to keep pace with everything wonderful that we already had going on. Nothing ever really goes as planned. I think we hit the fast forward button and took some leaps this year and truthfully speaking, I’d like to slow down a bit. We have started a family, and she will grace us with her presence two months from now. We took some risks this year and shook things up, and now we’d like to settle. 2012 will be everything but “easy” and as I look ahead I see the ginormous challenges awaiting us, but I think somehow we will make it all work. We have been so blessed, and to realize that somehow we made ends meet and we took everything that we built in Oregon and created these uncomfortable circumstances on the other side of the country in hopes of finding something new and ultimately better for us…well, I don’t know what else to say except that it is a miracle. Moves have always been hard for me, but this one, this one should have been the most challenging. Instead, I only see the joy that it has brought to my husband which makes all of the negativity fade. That is the funny thing about marriage; we convince ourselves that the compromise will hurt, but by allowing that element of flexibility and seeing that new degree of happiness in the person you love spill over, it is infectious. I am happy because my husband is happy. In 2012, we have financial goals. We have educational goals. I personally have some Heidi Klum post baby health goals that will be kicked into high gear as soon as Kinsey Hope is born, but, even with all of these plans, I am perfectly content if we simply survive. I know that sounds negative in a way, but I think the saying “live and let live” is the attitude I would like to have in 2012. Things may go our way, they may not, but I’d like to throw my expectations out the window and just go with it. I will become a mother, and somehow will find a way to juggle that with all of the other roles I play in life. I do not need to add the pressure of making a list or focusing on an word or a goal or a plan, I just want to sit down on December 31st, 2012 and look back and say “Somehow, we did it.”