Summer

I feel it coming and its still January…is that weird?!

I am anticipating the picnics, the smell of grilled vegetables, flip flops, and the feeling of consuming my coffee on an outdoor patio.

Excited to feel the sun beat down on my cheeks…

That’s all.

Blinks of Life

Found this amazing Tumblr Site (http://blinksoflife.tumblr.com); made my afternoon just delightful…

“You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing and dance and write poems and suffer and understand, for all of that is life.”

– J. Krishnamurti –

What If I Just Keep Running?

I’ve been on a bit of a blog “break” taking time to be with my husband…we moved last weekend, and it left me drained–instead of wanting to go back to my normal routine I craved my couch and Season 1 of Dexter. Its been fabulous to just enjoy our new home together–getting settled in, planning how our rooms will evolve in a few years when we start a family…I’m loving the feeling of “home.”

Last night after I went for a late night run, I came home feeling like I was finally at a place where I am doing things for myself. For so long I think I was a slave to other people-a people pleaser-I was always proud that I could “be who I am” but when it came to actually DOING things, I was driven by other people…

“doing this for my husband…”

“doing this for my future kids…”

“doing this for my family…”

But now I want to do things for me. And I think this happens in a lot of areas in my life-where I focus on service and forget about myself. This all sounds like I’ve become incredibly selfish, but I’m starting to believe that the more I forget to focus on my own health and happiness, spiritually and mentally, the less effective I will be. I read this interview awhile back between Oprah and Michelle Obama, and Michelle told Oprah that her happiness is tied to how she feels about her WHOLE SELF. It was a striking and yet so obvious. And so, last night I was running, and I always hit this road block when I am running where I tell myself I can’t go any further, I can’t run any faster, I need to slow my pace, I need to stop, and last night I came to the road block and something switched-it was like for the first time I thought “what if I just keep running” and as I kept running I analyzed my options “I could stop” “I could slow down” “If I keep going I might vomit” “Maybe I can keep going?” “This is further and faster than I have ever ran before…I need to stop” and then I realized that I was so caught up in thinking about how I should stop, I had kept going, and it got easier–the road block cleared and I kept going. I know it sounds silly, but I came home feeling like I finally understood that the only person getting in the way of me doing things, is me–and I mean this not just with running, but with everything. In life, I am my biggest critic, and I felt like before last night I was too weak…I couldn’t motivate myself enough, or control myself enough to do the things that I want to do.

So now, instead of running for 30 minutes, I can hit the road for an hour. And instead of feeling like I have to jog, I can sprint. I can do these things, and I can stop the voice in my head from saying “no you can’t.” It was a spiritual moment for me. So revealing about who I am and the limitations I’ve put on myself in every area of my life.

Have you ever had a moment similar to this? A moment when you feel like you’ve become someone completely different?