I Still Exist

I know, I know, I said I wasn’t going to overload you all with news from the belly but I promised myself going into this that I would always be honest. So in an effort to do that, and provide myself with some much needed self talk, I’m posting about it.

I think there is a lot of hype surrounding pregnancy, some of it warranted, and some of it not. I want to be clear, I am completely happy about the arrival of Baby Krongard. It’s crazy to me that I have to say that first, but here I am, almost through my first trimester feeling like this whole shi-bang is completely different than what I had anticipated. Let me explain. The world likes to hype up pregnancy to be this wonderful, beautiful, skipping through the hills, doing belly dances in your living room, whispering sweet nothings to your uterus, completely amazing and phenomenal experience. Half of that is true. It is beautiful and wonderful that I am able to grow a human inside of me. It is amazing that a Bryant and Katie hybrid is currently growing fingernails inside my uterus. God created me to do this beautiful thing, and that I consider to be phenomenal. But, I am still a person and I still have things that I am interested in other than the baking process that is currently happening inside of me.

Yesterday, I spent a couple hours at the dog park with my friend John (the dog walker), and one of his old clients brought her little Yorkie into the park. She just had a baby, and was standing outside of the gate watching her dog play, while also rocking her baby back and forth. John LOVES to tell people that I am expecting, so he introduced us and then started to ask her questions that I think he thought maybe I wanted to ask, or that he thought a newly pregnant woman would want to ask another recently pregnant now first time mother. “Were you scared?” “No, not in the least bit” she said. John looks at me, and then turns back to her and says “Really? Not at all?” and she says “No, I really wasn’t. I never felt scared or nervous at all.” Then John says “This woman is like super Mom, she did it all natural, like some birthing crazy woman! Katie! Are you doing it all natural? Have you decided?” So here is where it got interesting. I was honest. I said “Honestly, I’ve thought about it, but I know myself really well, and I feel like if I can make myself more comfortable by having an epidural, instead of putting myself through something that I might call traumatic later, then thats what I’d like to do.” The woman looks at me with this sick, judge y face and says “Well its not about YOU, its about the BABY! In order to make yourself more comfortable you will sacrifice your child’s comfort?!” Ok lady. Thank you for THAT. I really appreciate that. John, obviously didn’t see this coming, and said “Well, I think the woman should do whatever is best for her, who am I to say what they should do with their body?”

So here is my deal. I completely understand that becoming a mother is an exciting thing. But, I have seen so many people who let it consume every single fiber of their being. It is all they talk about, all they think about, and all they read about. While I can understand their zeal to be the best mother that they can be, I always sit back and think “What the hell happened to you?” I don’t want to become uninteresting or lose friendships because all I can talk about is my baby and my pregnancy. I am still a person a part from this baby. I have things that I still love and things that I want to do, and none of that is changing just because I am pregnant. I will love my baby, and obviously will do everything I can do be a good Mom, but I do not want my child to think that once you become a parent, your entire life is about being a parent. Being a Mom isn’t going to be the definition of me. I am also a wife. I am also a friend. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a dreamer. Becoming a mother may be another role that I play, but as I walk through this pregnancy, I am holding on to the fact that I am still a person, and I still matter. This woman was completely crazy obviously, but it was a really good example of someone who 1) isn’t honest, because I bet you a million dollars she at some point was scared and 2) is one of those people who so badly wants everyone to think that she is the best Mom ever, that she puts down everyone else’s opinions and decisions if they differ from her own. She so badly wants to believe that she has done everything right and her choices were award winning choices, and anyone who doesn’t make the same choice is a failure. I admire her desire to be perfect, but the fact that she had to make me feel like I was messed up somehow and selfish was the part that made me want to punch her.

My point here. I do have one. I still exist. I appreciate people asking about the baby, and yes it is a major thing that is happening for Bryant and I, life changing, and yes, we will talk about it, but I have more to say, more to offer, more to contribute than just being a mother.

Divergent-A Book Review

I myself, have suffered from post-Hunger Games blues, feeling like I’ll never find another series to fill the gapping hole in my heart. It took me 3 weeks to finish the Mockingjay, along with serious self restraint because I knew it was the end, and I had to savor every last word. So here I am, several months later, still depressed and sad about the end of a fabulous trilogy, googling movie casting and screaming profanities about Lenny Kravitz being cast as Cinna (because seriously? Lenny Kravitz? Thats the best they could do???). I finished the series back in October of 2010. That means its almost been a year of mourning! Sad, I know.

Enter: Divergent by Veronica Roth.

I heard about this book through a couple of blogs that I follow, mentioning the same post-Hunger Games woes that I found myself in, everyone facing the same dilemma, “Where do we go from here?” Divergent was listed as another dystopia novel, one that was a part of an unpublished trilogy, “give it a try” I said. So, during Hurricane Irene, Divergent was downloaded onto the iPad and yesterday afternoonish I gave it a go.

The book takes place in a post apocalyptic Chicago, compromised of people that are broken into Factions. Each Faction of people exhibits a specific virtue, ultimately the one for which they say is most lacking, and the cause of destruction and fracture in the world (Candor, Abnegation, Dauntless, Amity, and Erudite). Every child at the age of 16 undergoes an aptitude test revealing which Factions they are most suited, followed by the Choosing Ceremony, in which they decide which Faction they will become a member of for the rest of their lives. Beatrice, born into Abnegation, whose family denies themselves of anything considered selfish, including gazing into a mirror, is given “inconclusive” results. She is suited for three different Factions, and is named dangerously “Divergent.” Her results, under no circumstance can be shared with anyone else, and Beatrice is presented with a difficult decision in deciding which Faction she will join at the Choosing Ceremony. Leaving her own Faction would damage her family, but by nature, she feels that she is not selfless. Beatrice ultimately decides another Faction, is put through an intense initiation process, and as each stage of the initiation becomes more revealing about the Faction that she has chosen, she also begins to ask questions about why things are the way they are, what is outside the gates that all of the Factions are so persistent on keeping out, and maybe she plays a large part, in an even larger plan.

There seems to be a love story building as well, but you will be more enthralled with Beatrice and her transformation from invisible to bad ass. The second installation in the series “Insurgent” is not due to hit the shelves until Spring/Summer of next year, but I think it will be worth the wait.

So, there you have it. Hunger Games Recovery Part I. Let’s all try to be supportive of each other ok?!

I Survived Hurricane Irene

#Irene Tweets

Friday the 26th Evening:

Though today is my husbands birthday, I’m going to be getting hurricane supplies together because I’d like us to make it to year 26. #irene

Pretending we are not doomed and going to dinner for Bryant’s birthday. We did however stock up on gatorade&chex mix&other things. #irene

Saturday the 27th:

Preparing for this hurricane feels a little bit like Y2K. Except it started raining & people are evacuating like the movie 2012. #irene

#Irene is one crazy bitch…so, I made awesome high calorie burritos. This is how ya do it!!

We aren’t mature enough for a hurricane Me: what if I have to poop&I can’t flush? Bryant: go in your pants! Me: you go in your pants! #irene

Jokes aside, I’m praying everyone is safe. Just read an 11 year old boy died in the hurricane. What is happening is real &very scary. #irene

Husband just took the pups out one last time before Irene’s arrival. Dumping rain now, little windy, worst of it coming in the early morning

Sunday the 28th:

The howling wind woke me up, so I ate some waffles & updated myself on #irene news. I’m praying the park trees don’t fall through my window.

Next time we apartment shop, ill be all “yeah, the park across the street is nice but too chancey in case hurricane of the century rolls in”

Or “yeah, not loving the proximity of that tree to my window, sorry”

I mentally invented battery operated toasters. I could eat eggos without power! Live off that shit for days! Don’t tell me this can’t work!

Alright folks, I’m taking a nap, don’t worry, I will be back. Not going to let #irene get me down. Nope. Not today!

Zoey is a hurricane survivalist. We ran each dog out to go to the bathroom, Zoey peed right there on the sidewalk like a warrior. So proud.

Went for a walk with the dogs. The park is a mess & some neighbours have a lot of flooding, but it seems everyone will live. Hoorah! #irene

Irene has ruined my grocery delivery service. I can’t get any food until Wednesday! Why me!!?? Yes, I’m still thankful I’m alive, whatever.

Current conditions: Real windy, some street flooding, dog park under water, but we survived. And I kind of think it wasn’t a for-realsy hurricane in our parts, because it really just seemed like a bad storm. Regardless, we survived. Glory Glory Hallelujah.