Motherhood Mondays: Oh, The Pain

I am officially at the point in this pregnancy where nothing is great. 33 weeks and 3 days, Kinsey is kicking me all the time and moving around which is the nice reminder that there is a point to all of this, but last week was excruciating. I went to Labor and Delivery twice, I dislocated my knee on Saturday, almost passed out in the Ikea Cafe, and have been gimping around the last few days with a bum leg. Graceful is the complete opposite of me right now.

I have a sense of humor. I like to laugh and I love making other people laugh. Up until now this has always been one of my greatest attributes. However, I realized that all of my joke making and silliness has caused everyone around me to not take me so seriously. So, when I say that things are really shitty right now, they think that it can’t be that bad because I’m still laughing. So this morning, I walked into my OB’s office determined to communicate my discomfort and constant state of stress about passing out while I’m going to the bathroom. My doctor walked in and as I started to explain my pain, I said “I know that I laugh a lot, but I am really having a hard time and I just need some solutions.” He looked up at me and said “Katie, I know you are miserable.” Something about the asian accent makes sympathy sound so much more genuine, because seriously, just as he finished the word ‘miserable,’ the tears came a flowin’ and let me tell you, they did not stop. The more sympathy I got from this cute little asian man, the more I cried.

In short, I eventually stopped crying. And my doctor said that if the fainting continues he would like to deliver early. We’ll check on Kinsey’s growth and make sure she can make her debut around 38 weeks. My pain is great, and my discomfort level is almost unbearable, but every time I talk to my Mom she reminds me of the point in all of this. Little Kinsey will be wonderful, and it will all be worth it. I am not going to die (at least they don’t think so), so I just need to carry on just a little bit longer.

Preggo Mammas, I feel you. And to the ones that say that pregnancy is awesome, they are full of it.


Motherhood Mondays: The Wait

The Wait: Women think a lot about the day that they meet their husbands, get married, and start a family. We imagine what we will look like pregnant, visualize the cute conversations we will have about the baby, and think about bringing that baby home from the hospital. These cute little pictures are what cause the baby fever.

Pregnancy; by far the most challenging months of my entire life. I didn’t think about this part. I didn’t once think about the massive pain I would be in and the months of waiting for not just a baby, but to feel normal! 32 weeks and 3 days baked…this is the final countdown. Everyday I watch the minutes on the clock waiting to go back to bed so another day will have passed, and then another week, making the end that much closer. I am excited to meet the little person that we created, but I am beside myself thinking about that little person no longer shoving its legs up against my ribs, and punching my bladder making me feel like I am about to wet my pants every 5 minutes.

I did the last big load of baby laundry yesterday and as I folded the little bodysuits and paired together the little socks, I thought about packing up my diaper bag. Then, I thought about packing my hospital bag, then Bryant’s hospital survival bag, then slapped myself because we still have at least 4 1/2 weeks before Kinsey is allowed to think about exiting my uterus.

We are waiting. Bryant said to one of his closest friends the other day on the phone “we are just getting ready for this baby. Seems like every decision we make is related to this baby.” I think Bryant is done with the pregnant part too. We are prepared, as prepared as we possibly could be, and now we are ready for me to not feel like total garbage. Last night, Kinsey was doing what felt like summersaults, and Bryant and I watched my stomach do freaky alien like things and it was in that moment that I knew Kinsey was over it too. I’m speaking for her, but I believe she wants to know what the crap is happening out here.

We are just waiting and mastering the art of completely faking patience.

Motherhood Mondays: The Gain

I had planned on doing a “Motherhood” post every week; but, alas, pregnancy and it’s sheer bitchiness decided to take over my life for a few weeks and once again ruin any and all ‘plans.’

Real quickly, for the curious minds, I am 31 weeks and 3 days. Kinsey is sprouting and apparently the size of 4 naval oranges. I had my ticker checked multiple times in the last couple weeks and am still calling my repeated fainting episodes a mystery.

This Week : The Gain.

Weight gain is always associated with fatness. We have ourselves trained to give a shriek every time we step on the scale. With pregnancy, you are supposed to somehow just go with it. My OB told me to eat normally. He did not say “you are now eating for two.” This is a serious pregnancy myth causing excessive weight gain, gestational diabetes, and malnutrition. I am no expert, but I’ve found that I am more repulsed by brownies now that I am pregnant because my brain immediately pictures me trying to feed a newborn a brownie while respectable Moms are screaming “CHILD ABUSE!! STOP!” See what I’m saying?! So no, I don’t really “crave” sweets because I am a little freaked about feeding my baby starbursts. Yes, I enjoy the occasional milk shake or chocolate bar, but I believe my over analyzing of what I am putting into my body is what has allowed for me to stay on track in the weight gain department. I have put on 12 pounds in 31 weeks. I have no real comparison on if this is good or bad, but my OB always praises me so I’m feeling good about it.

The Gain. It’s complex. It’s stressful. And honestly, every single day, I think about how awesome it will be when I can go back to focusing on losing & maintaining because that is easier than gaining. I want to run 4 miles a day again and not feel like an under baked infant is going to drop out of my uterus and onto the sidewalk. Pregnancy ain’t easy folks, it ain’t easy.

So, I leave you with this: maybe if our country wasn’t so thin obsessed, pregnant women wouldn’t take the positive on the pee stick as a free 9 month ticket to eat like total shit. I think they want a break from trying so hard so they don’t try at all, for 9 months straight. Then, they blame pregnancy for the rest of their lives as the reason why they can’t get back on track. I don’t know. Ask me about this again in a few months.