Attention: We have a 3 month old.

Say what?! Kinsey is just 2 days shy of the big 3-month marker. I feel seasoned, and pretty motherly actually. I don’t remember what it was like without her and I’m not at all annoyed by the fact that there is a baby constantly attached to me. I think this must mean we have hit the marker where things don’t suck anymore. All of the mothers that actually gave a shit about being truthful said to me “Katie, it is going to be terrible for the first 3 months. Just know now, the first 3 months suck, then it gets better.” They were right. The first 3 months was a little hellish with a few glittered moments of happy. We were grateful the whole time, but it was clouded a little by the lack of sleep and the gas, and figuring out the cries, and figuring out the naps…sleep mostly, it was clouded by everything related to sleeping. But, we made it. We survived it. We moved to another state during it. So here are a few updates.

1) I said pretty whole-heartedly I would not be having anymore children, because of the birthing and the feeling of dying. I’ve had 3 months to process the horrific events that occurred between the days of February 28th and March 1st..as well as the 9 months of syncopy and heart doctors and brain doctors and spontaneous hospital visits, and here it is: it really is worth it. I am not saying that it isn’t traumatic, and I am not saying that it isn’t the worst possible experience that a person can go through…it is all of those things, but Kinsey is a breath of fresh air. She is perfectly and wonderfully made. For those reasons, I have agreed to consider going through all of that one more time.

2) Post partum is so strange and so exhausting. My hair is falling out, and I spend most mornings in complete silence, mourning the loss of each strand. No joke, 10 weeks post partum hit and I swears half of my hair is gone since then. I am also very sweaty. I sweat when I am just standing, doing nothing at all. My body doesn’t understand. Which also means that when I am at the gym, I am DRIPPING, and it is DISGUSTING. I think you are often warned about Post Partum Depression, but not really warned about the continual body changes that happen after delivery. Breast feeding aside, my body is still doing weird stuff.

3) Operation Heidi Klum. I have lost 2 more pounds since I started working out. My milk supply seems fine, and I’m starting to feel stronger. Running is easier. My ab muscles are starting to think about existing again, and ultimately, it doesn’t suck so bad. Also, I’ve stopped eating ice cream…so that could be the main contributing factor, but lets instead believe it was all of the running.

4) Kinsey coos. She stares at me and smiles. She likes to listen to me sing and tell stories. She loves books. The other night she was beside herself and I started to read and she quieted up as to make sure that she didn’t miss anything. She can hold her head up at a 45 degree angle, and occasionally can get it up to a 60 degree angle. She is lazy, but its ok, I love her anyway.

5) I am more in love with my husband today than I was the day I married him. Children do that. I look at her and I see him, and I look at him, and I love him more for loving her. I love him for telling her stories, I love when he gets sad on the days when he works late and doesn’t get to spend time with her, I love how he sings to her as he’s changing her diaper or doing the dishes. I love how he helps me, how he sees when I am desperately tired, how he does the dishes for me and takes out the trash…the little things mean everything, and I love how this extra person has brought us closer together. We made a baby, and we keep her alive together every single day. We have a purpose outside of loving each other, and our life planning now includes someone else. It is beautiful.

Happy 3 months my little. You are just perfect. We are grateful. We are in awe of you. You have brought so much joy and so much hope.

Advertisements

Comments

  1. Hi. Your daughter is lovely. Congratulations on making it through the three month mark. The first three months is just completely brutal, but your friends were right, the zombie days eventually pass.

    I love what you write about your husband, about how having a baby has made your love for each other stronger and more purposeful.

    Congratulations again. God bless your family.

    P.S. I have a 21 month old toddler and my hairloss just stopped last month, after I started weaning. Yikes! The hair loss is awful, but it too shall pass (along with the hyperhydrosis!!!)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: