Ache.

I think this year is meant to be a year of heartache. I don’t mean that in an entirely negative way, just that through aches and growing pains, Jesus brings light and goodness. I always want simple and easy. I remember last year saying that I wanted this year to be calm, steady, and EASY. It is ridiculous to think that life will ever be easy. That is not what God prescribed. In fact, he said in choosing him we are agreeing that life will be hard.

I became a mother this year. That still sounds so unreal. We thought becoming parents would be our giant mountain for 2012. Then, we moved, again. It has been a beautiful thing, but I’m feeling challenged every single day. This wonderful community we’ve entered into has challenged us to be better–it will be hard, and probably ache a bit, but we know this is where we should be.

This week, Bryant had an appointment, and out of respect for him I’m just going to say the poor guy was dealt a real doosey. He is not dying, he is healthy, and everything is fine, but he has a long road of yuck in order to fix some things that are broken. It will be financially challenging for us, and physically challenging for him, but it is completely necessary and important. It has brought to surface a lot of anger that I have stored up, because I love my husband so deeply and it upsets me that he has been dealt this stupid card of crap. I know this is all vague and cryptic, but I’m asking for prayer without giving details. We are fine, we are not broken, but we have a challenge ahead of us, and we know God is able and He has put us in the perfect place and time to deal with it, it just might ache for awhile. I need to let Jesus in–let him resolve the anger in me. I am protective of my husband, and I come out all fighting when he has been hurt. He’s going to be so upset that I posted this–Bryant, I love you–I’m trying so hard to speak in code–how am I doing?! (terrible I know.)

Anyway. Pray for us, if you pray. We are so blessed and this blog/twitter community as well as our real life heart friends, you all are so wonderful and loving. We appreciate you all so deeply. Maybe I’ll get permission to share more details–but if not, God knows 🙂

Can I return the favor? How can I be praying for you all? Can we all agree to love on each other a bit?

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Comments

  1. Praying for you, Bryant, and the sweet little babe too. Keep our family in your prayers as we too have just transitioned (moved) and are dealing with many issues. Thanks for sharing and being willing to express your faith, it has helped me today.

  2. I will be praying for you, Bryant, and the sweet little babe too. Please pray for our family as well. We have recently made a transition into a smaller home (much more suitable for our needs and we are happy), but there are still challenges ahead. I am grateful for your post because lately I have questioned my faith in God and haven’t accepted that in choosing him, my life will be filled with challenge and struggles, but what I get in return is without question the greatest reward. Thanks for sharing your faith and this “cryptic” story with us.

    • I assume wordpress was being stupid, but I’m happy I was able to see your complete comment. I have realized we can choose the kind of life that we want to have. Generally, the selfish choice is easier, but far less rewarding. I think there is always struggle, but there is also the kind that we seek out on purpose, in order to let God in, to be better…more Christ-like. We were dealt a struggle, and I am trying to let it change my heart a bit. I will be praying that you go a bit deeper as well as you wrestle through lifes transitions. 🙂

  3. Prayers indeed.

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