Fever Dreams

Do you think that babies’ dream? I’m sure there is some sort of ground breaking research from Harvard University about baby dreams, but I will tell you…I think they definitely have fever dreams, and I don’t need a fancy Harvard researcher to confirm it.

Kinsey had her 6 month shots yesterday evening. As expected, she woke up at 11pm with a low grade fever, I nursed her back to sleep, and it wasn’t too alarming, and I had given her tylenol at 7 so I was not yet frantic. 2am hits, and Kinsey is screaming her head off. 102.9 fever…her leg was like a furnace, and the poor baby was beside herself. I picked her up, and she looked at me in the eye and started talking to me. It was a cry talk, all out of breath like, but I felt like this could have been a time warp moment…where Kinsey is 3 years old instead of 6 months and she’s woken up from a dream about monsters in her closet, or her teeth falling out, or she was playing hide n’ seek and chose to hide in the giant wooden chest but it locked somehow and she was stuck in there unable to breathe…this is her dreams you guys, not mine…

Point. She must have had some fever dreams. I put a cold compress on her leg, and sang the Day-O while I shoved grape tylenol down her throat. We hung out for an hour, then she went back to sleep…for an hour, then woke up again, still with a high fever, so I stripped her down, and rocked her, and prayed that Jesus would take her pain away (and give someone the insight on how to prevent deadly diseases without having to give babies’ shots that ruin sleep and steal the world of all of it’s happiness).

This week has been trying for me. As a mother, it has been hard. I think it is because I love Kinsey so much, and I fight these feelings of failure whenever something goes wrong. This is my big 6 month epiphany: parenthood means feeling like you’ve failed about 98% of the time. Kinsey grew 1 pound in 2 months. She is exactly where she was two months ago percentile wise, but my doctor said, “You are doing great, however, she is growing in height faster than she is in weight, and I’m not saying she isn’t doing well, but she could probably use more calories.” I do not know what it is, but hearing that your baby isn’t gaining weight fast enough, or isn’t fat enough, it just makes you feel like crying. You get all emotional, and yell things like “WHY ISN’T MY BABY FAT?!?! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG!?” Ridiculous. So…my plan to officially start foods in two months is now starting earlier, and I know she was going to have to start foods eventually, and this isn’t about my stronghold on nursing, its just that I wanted to wait until she was ready. Kinsey doesn’t reach for our food. She spits everything out that I give her. And, I don’t want to force feed her mashed up peas and airplane it until she gags…

Parenting is hard. Fever Dreams are real. Shots are stupid. Failure is always creeping at the door.

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Comments

  1. I know how you feel. My son did the same thing with that round of shots. I went into full panic mode. It is only natural because, as you said, you love them so much and you want to make the pain go away. Good luck with that one! My son is 13 now and we lived through the baby and toddler years! Wow what a ride.
    Good luck with the food. My son had to go on cereal at three months. That was an adventure in itself. You will do fine by her. Don’t worry, yeah like that’s gonna happen, but try not to worry. You both will get through it.
    Enjoy her. She is beautiful.

    • Thank you! It is so hard when they are this little! I appreciate the encouragement. I know all of this stuff comes and goes…months of awesome sleep followed by weeks of frequent wakings and crankiness. We’ll get through it!

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