Let’s All Watch The Bachelor: Week 2

Last week on the Bachelor, we watched as Sean was introduced to 26 (YAY! Kacie B!) single ladies, looking for love (and marriage). I do not know why I did not come up with this idea last week, but, it is not too late…I am going to live blog while I watch. Who doesn’t want to read that?! Warning: this is lengthy, so if you don’t find humor in a bunch of girls competing for one guy, then look away.

So let’s get started. Last week we said goodbye to 50 Shades of Cray Cray…

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But, Sean hung on to ridiculously drunk girl in the wedding dress. So, I am excited to see what happens.

The Bachelor begins with a date card. Sweet blondie, Sarah Herron gets the date card, and we are all really happy about it. She is gorgeous, and what a guy for not making an issue of the fact that she only has one arm. He takes her on a helicopter ride. They fly around L.A. and then land on top of a really tall building, where, surprise! They are going to free fall to the bottom (who could have guessed that would happen?!) For a moment we are concerned for Sarah, but then realize she is just fine. They live (yay!) and then sip on champagne. Sean makes a predictable statement that every single Bachelor or Bachelorette says after every single extreme date.”It is good to know Sarah is up for anything,” because when we all are looking for a spouse, we do NOT want to marry someone who will not free fall from a sky scraper in the middle of L.A.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion, date card #2 is read. 12 girls are going to go on a date with Sean. The reading of the date card is hilarious because Leslie H does not get her named called, and the chick reading the card is super rude about it. “Leslie…M!” Tierra is already grouchy about it, and we all saw that coming because every Bachelor season glimpse we have seen features Tierra as being the most hated.

Sarah gets a rose from Sean, and they share their first kiss. Sarah calls her date the most memorable and special date of her life, and she says that she is falling in love with him (scoff).

The group date is about as trashy and retarded as reality tv can get. Because of course it is normal for 12 girls to have a sexy photo shoot for the cover of a dirty romance novel, on a first date. As the girls are arriving in the limo, I take note of Katie, yoga instructor’s super cutsie crimpy hair-do, to which I paid no attention to last week. Let’s all look at it together and admire how cute she is…

(Image thanks to Gossip & Soaps.com)

katie

Ok, back to the show. Sean says he is anxious about what the girls will think about the photo shoot idea. The model, Kristy, is of course really excited, and Katie calls her “home girl” which makes us love her even more. Kristy can not stop touching Sean’s abs…it makes us all uncomfortable. Tierra is giggly and is making fun of Robyn’s extensions at the same time, making her the queen of passive aggressiva. I predict that Tierra and Robyn are going to be the first to get into a fight. I also have just now realized that Tierra reminds me of one of my college roommates. I am stressed out watching her now. Lesley starts feeling up Sean very uncomfortably while taking pictures with a horse. She also kisses Sean, then calls it “the eye of the hurricane” when responding to how the girls felt about it. We all want to know why Lesley did that then…tell us Lesley. Tierra gets “right to the point” and calls herself aggressive, and then says she doesn’t feel like it is a competition. Tierra is focusing on Sean but also says that she is focusing on herself. We are not really sure how she is able to be so self-centered while still focusing on Sean. Anyone? Kristy, the model, wins the cover, Tierra is upset about it, and then refers to herself in the 3rd person. “I am going to show Sean what Tierra wants,” or something to that effect. Let’s all clap our hands with excitement because Tierra is living up to all of the hype.

Lesley has 1 on 1 time first, and Lesley calls their first kiss “romantic” which is the opposite of what we all felt when we watched it during that photo shoot with the immense quadruped (take note of my Gilmore Girls reference please). Lesley calls herself traditional which is pretty confusing to us since she was the one who kissed Sean during that photo shoot all scandalous. She doesn’t get another kiss during their 1 on 1 time, because she was so awkward, so she interrupts someone else’s 1 on 1 time so that she can come back and be more awkward and get her kiss. I am not really a fan of Lesley.

Kacie B is the cutest ever. GO KACIE B! She is really genuine and awesome, but for some reason Sean is not in love with her yet. He makes it seem like they were really good friends, and it is hard for him to look at her as a non-friend, but whatever Sean.

I LoL’d just now because the girls were asking Kacie B about when he passes out the rose.

Catherine says “I am vegan but love the beef.” She is ditzy and I don’t really enjoy listening to her speak.

Selma is really cute, and also confusing, because she looks EXACTLY like Olivia Palermo. Are Selma and Oliva sisters? They should be.

Is Tierra drunk? She is eating a lot, and sort of sprawling herself all over the place. Sean says that Tierra looked “bothered” but I think she was just drunk, or had to poo from all of the food that she was shoving in her face. Tierra says that she feels out of her comfort zone, yet she still signed up to be on the Bachelor, and so I think I speak for everyone when I say, stop complaining dummy.

Back at the mansion, date card #3 is read. A cute girl named Jackie really wishes her name was called so she can celebrate her birthday with Sean. Unfortunately for Jackie, Desiree gets the card. Poor, Jackie.

Katie’s crimpy hair is getting a little bit out of control as the night goes on. It is not as cute as I thought it was a few minutes ago. I am experiencing blog regret already. Oh, and guess what, Katie feels like the “odd duck” and all of the girls are talking about her behind her back while she tells Sean that she needs to go home. Hilariously, Sean doesn’t seem to really care that she is leaving. Let’s all say goodbye to Katie. Bye Katie!! I am sorry that competing with 25 other girls for one guy’s affections wasn’t as comfortable as you thought it would be! (Scoff)

Sean gives the rose to…drum roll please…Kacie B! GO KACIE B! Tierra wants to punch Kacie B and now we all want to punch Tierra.

Sean decides to play a prank on Desiree. Remember when Sean made Emily believe that he lived with his parents? He is THAT guy, so this is supposed to be funny for us to watch. How much money did they spend to create this prank? Desiree is a stylist, and I sort of love her bangs. I will not post a picture of them because if I do, I am pretty certain I will jinx her time and she will be going home (sorry, Katie!) The prank goes as planned and the whole thing crashes to the ground (if you didn’t watch, it was an art piece that they told Desiree was worth 1.5 million dollars). Desiree has a really big smile on her face the entire time, which is exactly what I do in uncomfortable situations. She is holding back her laughter, and Sean comes in and makes this really intense speech about how he will always support her. The prank was not very funny, and I feel like Desiree knew it was not real. Sean brings Desiree back to “his house” and they have a nice time. Desiree is apparently not a Bachelor fan, because she claims to know nothing about Sean. I think that I like Desiree. I do not like that Sean is calling Desiree “Dez” already. Desiree explains the mystery behind why the Bachelor works. Two people who want the same things and are going toward the same goal…I think Desiree might be really smart. Desiree pretends like she is not going to accept the rose, and then accepts it.

Now it is time for the cocktail party and the Rose Ceremony. The girls are SO nervous!!!!

First, Sean spends time with the crazy, drunk, wedding dress girl–we find out that her name is Lindsay. She appears to be coherent this time. She says she feels silly about the other night…oh, Lindsay, why would you need to feel silly?! I think that Lindsay might have a speech thing that will bother me for the duration that she is on the show. “URS CHTOO” “OH SWAN.”

Sean pretends like he doesn’t know who he is going to send home. I don’t believe him.

I think Amanda is a vampire. The girls are talking about her. They think she is being rude. I think she just doesn’t have a heart beat. There is a reference to a tornado that is about to happen…guys…what is Amanda drinking out of that mug?

Robyn is concerned that Sean does not find girls of color attractive. Sean laughs nervously when Robyn confronts him about it. He says that he likes Persian girls. Robyn starts to get groovy after she is happy with how Sean responds.

Oh, Selma. I wonder if Oliva Palermo speaks Arabic? I bet she does.

Where’s Amanda? Oh, there she is, sitting on the couch, figuring out who she is going to eat first.

OH MY GOSH, YOU GUYS! I LOVE AMANDA! Look at her smile! She is so funny! None of the girls like Amanda, but she is tricky, and I like it. Desiree?! Why you no like Amanda? Because she was scary there a few minutes ago? I did not see that coming either, but, AMANDA IS NOT A VAMPIRE!

ROSES!

Ashley gets a rose! (Who is Ashley?)

Lindsay (aka crazy, drunk, wedding dress) gets a rose!

Robyn gets a rose!

Jackie gets a rose!

Traditional Lesley gets a rose!

Olivia, I mean, Selma, gets a rose!

Catherine gets a rose!

Kristy gets a rose!

Leslie H gets a rose!

Tierra gets a rose! (yay! More drama!)

Taryn or Tara, I can’t really hear it, gets a rose!

Daniella gets a rose! Then, rolls her eyes!

Last rose tonight…

Amanda the vampire is going to get it.

Come on, Sean! Give it to Amanda!

Amanda gets a rose!!!!!! None of the girls are happy about it! Look at that smile! Desiree shakes her head. Desiree, you obviously don’t know her like I do.

Brandy’s doppleganger says goodbye. She was open and excited, but love was not here. Don’t cry, Brandy. Sean tells Diana from Salt Lake City that he didn’t see something with her long term. I think he got that line from Arie last week. Guys! Did you know that I met Arie at Starbucks? I totally did…and got a picture with him. I have no shame.

And that wraps up week 2. Looks like Lesley next week gets to awkwardly kiss Sean again. I wonder who pushed Tierra down the stairs…

Oh my gosh. Daniella and Lesley confused about Hades and Greek mythology. Oh my heart. They are so dumb.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!

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