Let’s All Watch the Bachelor : Week 3

This week’s Bachelor starts with the reading of the date card. I don’t know why these girls keep doing this to Leslie H, but the date goes to Lesley (longest pause ever) M. Poor, Leslie H.

Sean is excited to take out Lesley. I am underwhelmed, because I thought that she was pretty trashy on that group date last week (if you don’t remember, she was the one who was kissing Sean next to the quadruped). We learn on this date that Sean’s dad has the world record for driving across the 48 states in the shortest amount of time. I do not know why someone would ever want to do that, but that’s a fun fact. And, now, Sean wants to break a world record for “longest on-screen kiss.” I am annoyed with this already. Lesley is pretending like she is nervous, and I don’t believe it for a second because hello!? Quadruped/Sexy Romance Novel Photo Shoot! Stop lying and pretending like you are classy, Lesley. Gosh, as this kiss starts, I am really hoping we don’t have to watch this for over 3 minutes. I also really love how Chris Harrison just yells “Pull it together, Lesley!” Their lips are not moving at all. I just want to note that this is the most awkward kiss that I have every seen. It could be attributed to Lesley’s sporadic fist pumps. Sean, get serious, this is not romantic, stop trying to convince us. They break the record, and I’m really happy we don’t have to watch that anymore. Ok, so I just had a revelation. Lesley looks like Ashley Tisdale. She does, doesn’t she?

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Back at the mansion, it’s time for another date card. A bunch of girls are going, except Selma, Sarah, and Ashlee, and maybe another girl who didn’t say very much, so I did not notice her.

Sean gives Lesley the rose, and she accepts. Lesley says that she is falling in love with Sean. (scoff)

Group date time! The girls are told that they are playing a volleyball game. They are broken up into two teams, and competing to spend more time with Sean. The winning team gets to spend the evening with Sean, the losers have to go back to the mansion. Amanda, the vampire, who I love, says that she is really competitive. Chris Harrison explains the situation to the girls, and he is wearing linen pants. I want to listen to what he is saying, but I can’t stop looking as his linen pants. They look like a brown shopping bag. Oh Chris! We are laughing at you, not with you.

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Wow, these girls are really bad at volleyball. Like, really bad. Taryn, who we don’t know very well, just said this is the most important game of her life. I think we know everything that we need to know about Taryn. Blue team scores the match point (GO KACIE B!), and Taryn’s team loses. Kristy, the model who won the sexy photo shoot is crying in sadness. Leslie H is also crying–rightfully so, because she just lost, but also loses every time a date card is read. Poor, Leslie H.

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The winning team goes back to Sean’s house. Lindsay has one on one time first. She is so awkward, and I still can’t get over her drunken mess on the first night. She is trying to convince Sean that they are a lot closer than they really are. It is really weird, because I think that Sean is falling for it. “Swan, I fwall in wuv and gwive my ewveyfwing.”

Desiree is really cute and her one on one time is a bit more genuine. She is very confident, but not in an ugly way.

Back at the mansion, another date card is read by Tierra. Ashlee and Selma are going on the date. No, they aren’t. Tierra is just bitchy. Ashlee is going on the date.

Back at the group date, Amanda the vampire tells Sean she is what he is looking for. It is a little weird. She is saying really weird things about them getting married. I think she is really cute though, but clearly Desiree hates her.

Kacie B. is about to make a very big mistake. Let’s remember how catty she was on Ben’s season by trying to get Courtney out. Now, she is telling Sean about this non-situation between Amanda and Desiree and she sounds like an idiot. Sean calls her crazy, and I am happy that he does, because Kacie B. really needs to stop trying to manipulate to get girls out. We like you as you are, Kacie B. You don’t need to stoop to this really dumb level. Lindsay gets the rose, and she toasts to “a rweally gweat man.”

Ashlee is getting ready for her one on one date. She is pretty cute. Suddenly, we hear a crash and bang. Tierra is laying on the stairs, looking like she was just rendered unconscious. Sean walks in, very timely, and Tierra is sitting on the end of the stairs not saying very much. The paramedics show up. Suddenly, Tierra can talk and she starts getting really worked up about going to the hospital. Ashlee is mad because Tierra is now getting all of this attention (non-medical, because she freaked out). I won’t lie, I really thought someone pushed Tierra down the stairs. That whole thing was disappointing. YOU GOT ME AGAIN, ABC!

Ashlee and Sean finally go on their date. They go to Six Flags, and have the entire park to themselves, but Sean decided to bring along two girls who suffer from chronic illness, who are best friends online, but have never met in real life, until today. This is a pretty cool date. Ashlee is really genuine, and optimistic. I like her a lot. Her adoption story is pretty amazing, and it brings Sean to tears. I predict that Ashlee gets the rose. Oh look, there it is! Ashlee gets a rose!

The rose ceremony cocktail party begins, and Sean surprises Sarah with her dog, Leo. It was a really sweet gesture on Sean’s part, and I remember again why we like Sarah so much.

Tierra gets one on one time, mostly to discuss her fall down the stairs. Desiree interrupts their time, and Tierra gets really mad. But, we like Desiree. She is just really bubbly and cute. Uh-oh. Tierra comes back to take Sean again. “Why does Tierra get to talk to him twice?” says Robyn. Here comes Lesley. Oh, here comes Robyn. Here comes Lindsay. Leslie H’s turn. Oh look, Desiree is still sitting there, waiting for Sean to come back. This is a really aggressive cocktail party.

Kacie B. gets one on one time. I hope she doesn’t make an ass of herself. It seems Sean and Kacie B. are at a pretty intense point in their conversation about how she was being ridiculous, and she gets interrupted, of course, by Ashlee and Selma (gosh, she really looks like Olivia Palermo). I don’t know about Kacie B. She did this same kind of stupid on Ben’s season, and it was really annoying, and rather than making it look like the other girls were drama, she looked like drama.

It is now time for the rose ceremony. They are all so nervous! Especially, Kacie B. (dummy). Lindsay (Hot Drunken Mess), Ashlee (Six Flags Date), and Lesley M (Kissing Record), all have roses already.

Sean does not proceed with the rose ceremony, and instead pulls Kacie B. out of the room. He tells Kacie B. that he is not feeling it, and has too much respect for her to make her stand with the other girls and be rejected. He sends her home. Oh, Kacie B. I am a bit embarrassed for you.

And, the rose ceremony continues. So much drama!

Tierra gets a rose.

Leslie H gets a rose. Oh, Leslie H. I bet it feels nice to have Sean say your name without a pause before the initial.

Catherine gets a rose.

Daniella gets a rose.

It is clear to me that Sean is giving roses to the girls who lost that volleyball game, first. How nice of him.

Robyn gets a rose.

Selma (Olivia Palermo), gets a rose.

Sarah gets a rose. Where is her puppy? I wonder if its going to stay in the mansion with them?

Jackie gets a rose.

I don’t think Taryn is going to get a rose.

Amanda (the vampire), gets  a rose.

Last rose is going to go to Desiree. Don’t be stupid, ABC. That editing was really lame.

Kristy and Taryn do not get roses. We didn’t really know Taryn very well, and it is a little weird that she is sobbing about not getting married to Sean. Kristy is also crying about not getting her chance at love. Bye ladies!

And thats a wrap. Next week, we can look forward to a one on one date for Selma, and a weird conversation about chocolate with Robyn. There will also be roller derby which will be excellent for Tierra’s aggression. And, from the scenes, it looks like I called it last week, and Robyn and Tierra will get into it. Tierra also breaks down, and loses it. I can’t wait.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!

(all photos from abc.com)

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